*sigh*
Chronic/mystery illness/pain/fatigue is always a big cycle of making plans, trying to execute them, and eventually having your body betray you and fuck up all your plans. Since getting Covid in December 2020 (today it’s November 2, 2021), that cycle has been expedited and I’ve gone through it something like a dozen times just this year alone. It starts with waiting for some kind of health stability. Then carefully crafting a plan based on the existing parameters. Then working hard to execute the plan. Then boom, having all of that hard work derailed by some new medical variable that completely renders that carefully made plan into something absolutely useless. Then you have to wait to see if this new medical variable is the new norm or if it will pass and you can resume whatever you were trying to work on. (Patience has never been my thing btw.) And then if the new complications are permanent, you have to start the whole damn process all over again.
The only good thing that really comes out of this endless cycle of shit is that I’ve gotten better at the whole zen thing of not having too many attachments and letting things go. There’s a lot of ice cream and weed involved, but that’s really just healthy coping habits. Probably.
So here I am again. After three months of Uterus & Friends going maliciously batshit crazy (thanks Pfizer vaccine), I am back to where I was in June. Still feeling weak af, but at least I don’t have to worry about severe, life threatening anemia on top of the Long Haul Covid - not to mention all of the other excruciatingly painful and exhausing symptoms that come with a raging uterus. I just have the rest of the crippling, life threatening Long Covid shit. Improvement! :O
This time, I’m going to change up the plan. I’m going to save the first and last four hours of my day just for health stuff, and then see what work I’m capable of in between. The first four-ish hours of my morning are going to be reserved exclusively for food, physical therapy, light reading, and skin care. The last four hours will be reserved for food, shower, skincare, medicating for sleep, and maybe a little gaming to unwind. Oh, and reflection on the day and battle plans and such. I’m hoping that this will create some peace of mind at least in those hours of the day. During those hours, my only job is to just do those specific things and not stress about doing anything else or not doing enough of other work things or whatever. As long as I’m doing the newly designated things, I’m exactly where I need to be. If you’re wondering why it takes so long to do those things in four hours each or why I didn’t try this before, it’s because it literally took me all day to do those things. A full day of energy. Which is sad. But true.
As for work, I’m going to do some daily-ish experiments:
One hour of no pressure doodling
One hour of no pressure vectoring
2-3 social media pieces a week (including video for IG reqs)
Cleaning up the candle stuff to get back to makin’ candles
Cleaning up my streaming stuff to get back to streaming
So good luck to me and may the hemoglobin be with me.
