So I spent most of August trying different things out and seeing how my sad crippled body worked. It was a lot of trial and error and failure but here’s what I learned.
Drawing
Drawing is still bad times. It really hurts my eyes and head to do it. It goes much better if I can take breaks, but taking breaks makes it go so… so… slow. It’s super demoralizing to spend three hours on a piece that should’ve taken one. I also have this shitty PTSD around drawing now. Every time I even think about drawing, my nerves light up like Christmas. It’s less panic attack and more just paaaaain. Which would be a super interesting phenomena if it wasn’t such a pain in the ass. No idea how I will be able to work at this pace and pay the bills. Hoping I can figure something out before that becomes a seriously pressing issue. Which is soon. But not today. That’s a problem for future me. Sorry, future me.
I also accidentally rediscovered one of my old drawing superpowers, where I dissociate and just hyperfocus on drawing. This came from years of doing shirt contests where I only had 24 hours to come up with and complete a design. Very self-destructive. I drew for three hours straight, plus a little after, and regretted it the next day. While I got to draw booba for a friend, it was perhaps not the wisest thing to sacrifice my body for.
Streaming
Turns out gaming on stream is A-OK. Not particularly helpful for survival or paying bills, but I enjoy it. Of course, we all know that doign something simply for the joy of doing it is clearly a moral failure and I should be working all the time until my cash flow is not embarrassingly red anymore. Yep. Drawing on stream lasts for about 1-2 hours before my arm starts jumping. After that, no amount of pen stabilizer can accomodate my arm having its own seizure so that’s all I get for now. The stabilizer does help my long haul covid tremblies in that first 2 hours though, so that’s nice. I’ve worked for years to be able to draw smooth, sexy lines without a stabilizer, but as always with chronic illness, this is why we can’t have nice things.
Candles
I can do about two hours of candles in one session now. Very exciting. It’s enough to get me started on restocking. Doubtful that it will all get done before the holiday season, but it’s something. Also realized that I hate my branding and it must be redone for maximum cuteness. Also learned that one of my suppliers needs to be… reassessed, so that was much fun. It was a very productive month for candles.
Gym
I made it to the gym. The actual gym. I used three machines and the elliptical. WOAH. I did suffer the next few days but at this point, I need to do the real srsbsns physical therapy as my joints are falling apart like an overdone pot roast. There’s only one way to fix it.
General Surviving
I found some amazing flower. It doesn’t hit my eyes and it gives me some nice pain relief, which means I can be functional. Picked up a sativa and an indica so I can go either way. Made a blend tonight that was fantastic. Soooo… I’ve been vaping twice a day now. I always vape before bed in order to be horizontal without tears - very hard to sleep with tears and excruciating pain. Now, I do a sesh earlier in the day too, which allows me to get some physical therapy done, as well as some cleaning like dishes and bathrooms and such. Fantastic. But wait there’s more! This helps calm my nerves so I can go back to doing a little caffeine. Boy have I missed caffeine. I brew tea the night before and put it in a thermos on my nightstand. Getting a hit of caffeine before I even get out of bed makes the first half of my day a whole new world. I get up and make avoidance-worthy phone calls, clean, and do other avoidance-worthy tasks. Only three mornings a week, though. And I don’t want to jinx it. Not hopeful at all. Nope. We all know that any time you get a sliver of hope, some god laughs and gleefully goes to retrieve their stash of weaponized bad karma. No hope here. Shhhh…
Stressors That Must Be Annihilated. With Prejudice.
The last thing I noticed were a few things in particular that stressed me out, like my Patreon and a couple old commissions. So before I get to trying to weave all my To-Do Lists together in a healthy, sustainable solution, I need to clear those things out first. It’ll feel good to have a clean slate. Fingers crossed I can clear that up soon.
